hotel room ftw
I think I died a long time ago.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize
