I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
