My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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