she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
The beer is more important than you right now.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
