I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
