no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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