When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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