WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize