I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize