It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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