i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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