Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
