I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Holy sore nipples Batman
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
not ubering you a puppy
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
