just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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