God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
