I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
