i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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