I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
