The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
