Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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