She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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