i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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