apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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