im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
