her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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