My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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