one might say we're banned from that church
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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