I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize