i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
