had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
