I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
