Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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