You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
we're so committed to being not committed
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
