I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
you will always have a special place in my vag
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
