The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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