took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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