hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....