I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Rumble strips road head = magical
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.