It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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