I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
