I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
