That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
