he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I think pants incapable of making pants work
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
