Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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