I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
