Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I'm passing your future prison.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
