Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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