Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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