Is it normal to miss your booty call?
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Randomize
