Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
so let's talk penis.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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