dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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