I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
