I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize