she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Come share oat with me in your robe
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
