I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
