***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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