Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
