i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
