____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
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He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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