I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
