i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
